The honest predicament I feel myself having right now is to cease posting my dreams and my revelations, simply because there’s so many for each and I’m just having a hard time keeping up with them..
Like just now… I watched a solid hour of TV on “the power of forgiveness”, and I thank God so much because I feel like even though I verbally and mentally forgave my A, I know in my heart I never felt it until now.
The footage that was shown- that made me think that my deciding to watch TV in the living room for the first time in maybe weeks- was from a dream I didn’t post..
-
My mind still spins in twists and circles trying to figure out my path for the next few months, though I’m beyond convinced at this point that God has told me that I will be alright in either path.
Either way, I know I’m afraid. I know if I do the Navy I’ll regret it; one reason why I don’t want to allow myself to give into the pressure my family is imposing.
I’ve gone AWOL on work for the past two days, and I know I’m feeling anxiety about coming or not coming tomorrow.
I feel like if I were to stay, there’s so much more chance for me to fail in 90% of areas as I have been doing..
There’s not one thing that comes to mind at this point, when I ask myself “What have I commited myself to that I’ve actually followed through on?”
None… Yuck.
And I know I’m ranting right now, but it’s been a really long time since I’ve ever allowed myself to, so I’m just letting it go. I don’t expect anyone to hear my rants anymore..
I hate that I’m not dependable.
I hate that I know I can’t really depend on anyone- not even my parents or my grandmotherl…0— to take care of me, and at the same time I try not to care because I know God will take care of me..
I hate that I feel like I’ve been teaching myself my whole life, and therefore the hard way..
I Love that at least God makes me feel special.. couldn’t have been adopted/taken in by a greater Father. In the end I know that’s what truly matters..
It’s incredible, what’s happened within the past year.. I know I didn’t even sound like this when I sang a year ago. A co-worker that hasn’t seen me in months saw me for the first time and could see that there was something different about me. I know I’ve gotten a lot wiser too… not 100% there yet, but I know I SEVERELYYYYY lacked a lot common sense. I know I still do sometimes, but thank God, not as bad as before.
I heard “It Will All Be Worth It” by Mary Mary in my dream last night, I am sure in reference to if I stayed here instead of shipping out during the summer. Honest to God I don’t know if it’s just a trick or true.
Had another dream- my first flying dream perhaps in years- but because I was with someone else’s wings. He transformed into a white bird when I was being targeted by a sniper (yeah I know, wtf) and it was a blissful flight. I think when I landed, the same sniper was still trying to target me, so we flew again. I feel off of his wings at one point, and for some reason I wasn’t afraid. I just thought to him to catch me, and he did.
Waking up I couldn’t ever fathom this person to ever be the person to help me fly while I wouldn’t be able to on my own yet, but instead of trying to test it, I’ll probably just wait for it to occur. If it does, then it does and that’ll be great; if it doesn’t then I don’t look like a fool depending on it.
When my mom or my grandmother kept telling me “it was time for me to fly” repeatedly, I kept being brought back to that dream. This “set of wings” that I’m referring to was my coach at one point, and I know that at this point I don’t find it realistic for this dream to be any sort of true.
Like I said I’m just going to wait it out. Makes sense to me though, that I would “fly” with the full assistance of someone else before I would fly on my own. Or, as a previous dream indicated- as the left wing to another’s right.
WHATEVERRR. Kind of sick of dreams right now.. I know I have to get my mind and my life together fully before I can get them back to the point of being truly/utterly dependable.
But none the less, Thank You God…… Tora Dust Midoram, Pitar.
